hool fees for her and Xiaojing. The burden of life, the pain of heartbreak, the confusion of losing herself, the constant persecution from Fang Liucheng, all of it weighed down on her like a thousand...February 19, 2015, Sunny.

The weather in Riyadh is truly awful, scorching hot all year round. I encountered two policemen in Riyadh being rude and aggressive towards a woman driving, so I went back to Su's house and changed into a short-sleeved shirt and a skirt, intentionally flaunting myself, which led them to chase me for the entire morning. Listening to sirens blaring everywhere on the street, my mood was incredibly good.

Every time I drive to the beach, seeing the sea reminds me of Hai Lan. If Hai Lan were still alive, maybe I would have long since given up on Kaka and wouldn't be fighting with my sister over men.

Thinking of Hai Lan, naturally brings to mind my nemesis.

Why would I fall in love with him It's a question I can never seem to answer, a question I usually don't want to ask again.

It's been a month, he's been gone for a month. He's really hiding from me, not even sending a message. I miss him so much. I wonder if he's doing okay on Agent Island Is he working hard

My world, there's only him left. He's all I see and all I think about.

I think I'm sick.

But I'm willing to stay sick like this.

March 17, 2015.

kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka, kaka...

I'm not only sick, but also insane.

All over the world, I only know one word, and I only think about one.

April 17, 2015

Today I met a handsome guy in Arabia. He was very good-looking. Arabian boys are always so charming. He said he liked me, and I asked him what he liked about me. He said he liked my body.

I was instantly furious and wanted to shoot him dead.

Thinking about it, liking someone's body means wanting to possess them, doesn't it That's liking, right I don't mind him liking my body even if he doesn't like my soul.

I am young, beautiful, and have a good figure. It's normal for him to like my figure.

The only person in this world who loved my soul, not only doesn't love my soul anymore, but also doesn't like my body. This is my tragedy.

Well, I think this sentence touched me. I'm an unpredictable person when it comes to love. One second I might find him attractive but superficial, the next I think he's endearingly genuine.

I hate Kakka's disguise, he always smiles, so I especially like men who don't smile. I think I might be a little twisted in the head.

I tried dating him, oh my god, it was so exhausting. I didn't even know what to say to him. After just three days, I lost interest.

Left without a word.

May 17, 2015

Today, I did something stupid.

Stupid, stupid thing to do.

Mommy and Daddy went on a trip. I knew Uncle Chuli and Aunt Rongyan weren't home, so I sneaked into Kaka's house and slept in his room.

I've never done anything this stupid before. I'm excited, yet foolish. Lying in his bed, I feel like I could sleep much better. The room is filled with his scent and his shadow everywhere.

This is Kaka's place, I am lying on his bed.

I have no friends, this feeling can't be shared with anyone. I held Kakaka's photo and talked nonsense all night before falling asleep in a daze.

I was taught bad by my teacher, and it's adolescence again. I deeply love a member of the opposite sex.

Hormones are surging through my body, I'm so excited every day.

The last thought was...

This is Kaka's place, one day I will make AI with Kaka here.

May 18, 2015

Waking up on Kaka's bed for the first time felt amazing, I didn't want to leave all day.

I accidentally knocked over Kaka's pen holder, and a pen fell into the drawer. I saw an album, one that belonged to Hai Lan and Kaka. The album was very thick, filled entirely with pictures of Hai Lan and Kaka.

From the moment she was born until her teenage years, there are pictures of Hai Lan smiling beautifully. Looking at them, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy in my heart...

A golden boy and a beautiful girl, a couple envied by all.

I can't help but wonder, when will Kakka have my photo album by her bedside

Hailan, Hai lan, how about we swap lives in the next life

I'll be his fiancée.

June 17, 2015.

I killed someone yesterday, Kaka. I'm not feeling well.

……

July 27, 2015.

Little Mo Xiaobai skipped over to tell me that Kaka was coming back, and it was this month! I jumped for joy. He's finally coming back, I'm so happy.

Kaka, do you know

I'm so happy, I can see you again.

The feeling of unrequited love, obscure yet beautiful, I've been poisoned, a poison I can never quit.

Yesterday, while reading a book, I came across this sentence: Thank God, during my most beautiful years, I met you.

This sentence is very touching, I read it over and over again.

In the years I've known you, they've all been my best.

August 3, 2015.

Everyone says you're coming back, even Aunt Rong said you're coming back. Why haven't you come back yet It's been six days. I've been counting the days for your return.

It's so annoying, it's so annoying, it's so annoying...

I am not as carefree as my mother. I would never wait for anyone because she is so lucky to have her father chasing after her all the time. She doesn't need to look back or wait for anyone. Even if she doesn't look back, her father will do everything he can to catch up.

And you

If I don't wait, will you chase me

Oh, I forgot, you rejected me.

I'm so mad.

September 20, 2015.

You're finally back, thank heavens. I flew to London and then heard you were going to the Middle East for a mission as soon as you returned.

You did an intelligence job.

Just as I thought, you're so cunning and meticulous, you'd be perfect for intelligence work.

I won't disturb you, wait until you're steady on your feet, and then I'll come find you.ed wryly, "How could I not mind But, if it weren't for me and Xiao Nian suddenly intervening, Zhao Yu-ning would have married Shu Wen, and they would have a happy family. It's because of my mother and...